when i was a teenager, i used to say to myself that when the time comes i will have my own kids, i wont ever leave them. i grew up without my parents beside me… they were not there when i first learn to walk, when i first learn to utter simple words… they were far away, i was left with my grandparents and my tita ( for whom i thought was my real mom then).

but now, i understand why my mom left me… its not because she dont like me.. it is because she wants to give us a better future… coz now, even if it hurts so much, i am here, in a country where half of what they say , i still couldnt understand, left my daughter with my parents, just for the same reason…. TO GIVE HER A BETTER FUTURE.

now i finally understand what my mom went through… how hard it is for her when she missed all my school programs, when she was not there to teach me my school works, when i had my 1st menstruation…. coz now, i feel all the same.

to my daughter, Bney, i know you understand why i left you, just for a while, but i hope you wont hate me for doing it, simply because, i am not there… i love you so much and all i ever want is  to give you all the best in this world.

and to my dearest mom, i am sorry for all the complains and for not appreciating all you’ve done for me, for our family. and i know, until now, you’ll never get tired of giving all the best for us all.. and i thank you for that… i love you mom….

my daughter, Bney and my mom…

i love to draw… it relaxes my mind… releases the tensions and stresses i have at the moment… so allow me to share to you guys one of  tension-releasing art…

It was close to sunset, she was standing along the shore.. looking at nowhere, when suddenly, she heard him call her name. She turns back, and she saw him, her one true love. Slowly, the guy walks towards him… tears fell from her eyes… at last, face to face, they held each others’ hands and kissed her.

Hay!Ang sarap imaginin right? Pero ano ang kulang? Hmm.. wag malisyoso.. hehe.. Soundtrack!

Yes, all of us has a fave song or two.. we all have our reasons why we love to listen to a certain song, maybe because of the beat, it’s popularity or simply because, feeling natin, soundtrack sya ng buhay natin.. meaning. NAKAKA RELATE KA!

ano nga bang kanta ang paulit ulit mong pinapakinggan nung time na una kang nainlove?

"Can this be love?
I’m feelin’ right now
I know for certain I’m feelin’ right now
I don’t recall ever feeling this way
Tell me what does one say
The one who makes me feel this way" ( can this be love by sarah geronimo)

Or  nung na in love ka sa kaibigan mo?

"What would you do if I told you that
All that I do’s think of what we had
What would you do if I’m not the friend I used to be
Well, at least, not to me.Cause I can’t get over all the times you stay
Get crazy, jealous every time you’re away
Now I’m someone different from the one you knew
Had nothing to feel for you, to feel for you…" ( what do i do by nyoy volante)

Nung naging kayo at feeling mo ay wala ng hihigit pa sa love na nadadama nyo sa isa’t isa?

Love moves in mysterious ways
It’s always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I’ll love you for the rest of my days
But still it’s a mystery
How you ever came to me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious ways ( Love moves in Mysterious ways by Nina) Di ba’t halos lahat tayo ay nakikanta dyan?

Pero aminin man natin o hindi, mas masarap umiyak kung may pinakikinggan tayong awitin. Kung baga, lalo nating nailalabas ang sakit ng sawing pag ibig dahil sa kanta…

Know i havent slept a week at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes are kinda tired
From crying all night long
Know i’ve never been too good at cooking just for one
It’s so lonely here without you darling
Come back home

’cause i’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love ( half crazy by freestyle).

But, thanks to my friend Mhye for introducing me to  this song, dahil sa ilang beses kong pinakinggan ito habang iniiyakan ko ang pagka T-A-N-G-A ko   

"Knew the signs
Wasn’t right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be "( Out of Reach by Gabrielle) Sana lang, hindi ko na maging soundtrack ito sa susunod.. hehe

At ilang kababaihan na ba ang halos mapatid ang hininga sa kakanta ng I WILL SURVIVE ni Gloria Gaynor?

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you’re back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you’d be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive

Ikaw friend, ano bang soundtrack ng life mo ngayon? Ako? hmm…

so many of us either fear tomorrow or regret yesterday  but i wont fear tomorrow if i get to be with you and i dont regret yesterday cause one yesterday I MET YOU.

Rome is a beautiful place. So many churches to visit for religious people. Spagna is a haven for shop-a-holics like me, for you could find trendy clothes and signature items.. (Not to mention that its an On-sale season). Luis Vuitton, Bulgari, Fendi, Dior in just one street!!!! Mama Mia!

Met a few people also, both Filipinos and Italians.. Ate Josie is like a mother to me.. I call her Mudra ( gay language for mother ).. Kuya Noel, though he always tease me that I am madaldal ( its my nature! hehe) he’s always there to teach me on how to do this or that. Maria Angela, just like me, is new, but we get along well. Maybe because she knows how to speak in English and she could understand what I was saying. Simona Lupe and Boulyone are also kind. Though they’re sooo opposite! One is so messy and the other is so organise!! hehe. Simone is like a child who  loves to sneak carrots at the kitchen, Rafaeli, never failed to kiss me at the cheek when he sees me, Saad, my suki of rica rica ( cellcards) and internet cafe.

But Rome , though beautiful and warm, is still a lonely place for me… for nothing is warmer, lovelier when you’re with the ones you love.. and mine… she’s out there, playing with her toys I sent her, or watching Disney channel, or maybe, sleeping at this time… I really miss my daughter.

LOVE. A very strong word.. And yet, do we really know what it means?

If you feel that you love someone because of one’s physical asset, that is not love.. it is LUST.

If it because of one’s intelligence/ insights about life in general , it is ADMIRATION. not love.

If it because he is the reason why you cant sleep, study or do what you normally do, it is not love.. it is only an INFATUATION.

If it is because she cried everytime you try to leave , it is not love, but PITY.

If it because of one’s presence everytime you needed her/him, that is not love, it is an ASSURANCE.

Love is when you do not know why you seem to be attracted to a person. Love has its reason.. and that reason is UNKNOWN.

When you love someone, you are also allowing that person to hurt you… may it be intentional or not….

A GREAT LIFE is not about ROUTINE but doing something RARE. To CHERISH and not to COMPARE. To FORGIVE , not to BLAME, and to BE LOVING without counting…. LAUGH at your mistakes but LEARN from them. JOKE over your troubles but GATHER STRENGTH FROM THEM. Have FUN with your difficulties but OVERCOME them.

Life is a PARADOX.

What you want, you dont get;

What you get, you dont enjoy;

What you enjoy ,is not permanent;

What is permanent ,is boring;

That is LIFE…

But they are meant to build the best in all of us.

" i ThinK sometiMes yOu LOVE someOne sO mUch , YoU HavE tO bE nuMb tO it… bEcaUse iF yOu ActUaLLy fElt HoW mUch yOu LOVED tHem, iT wOuld kILL yOu. "