" i ThinK sometiMes yOu LOVE someOne sO mUch , YoU HavE tO bE nuMb tO it… bEcaUse iF yOu ActUaLLy fElt HoW mUch yOu LOVED tHem, iT wOuld kILL yOu. "
It was January of this year when I decided to move at my parent’s house.. ( finaly, my mom’s non-stop nagging of me to come home have pave way.) But there was one condition, that i would still have my so-called privacy.. so there… she gave me a place to live in.. of course with my daughter… our old warehouse….
The place is just a one straight room. Fit for.. just stocks.. So, with a pen , paper and a bit of imagination, i started to create our home sweet home….
Since i only have a small budget, i helped on almost everything… from painting the walls ( which i personally mixed the colors to get what i want ) to putting the vinyl tiles on the floor. My sister and bney also "helped" on this project..
"Bney helping me painting the living room area…"
"pa-cute pa din, while painting the wall light yellow.. hehehe"
"I have to hire a carpenter for this loft… that would be our room"
"Two shades of green on this area… hhmm.. that would be the ‘tv-pc area’..ahh whatever you wanna call it!"
"just checking the colors if i got it right.. this time! it cost me 2 galloons of green, 1 galloons of white, 1/2 galloons each of blue , yellow and black. to achieve this color.. hmmm. meaning.. ang dami ko naaksayang pintura!!!!! "
" This would be our room…"
The hardest part was letting go of our things coz it would not fit on our new house.. it took me months to decide on what to bring and not to… and tell you,,, it was sooooo hard!!! i have to give up the china cabinet my mom gave me.. the bar. ( she also gave it to me.. ) my sofa set, which i love, and my dining table….( ang dami daming memory nyang lamesang yan! from the good ones to the bad ones.. )Some of my bags and shoes and some of bney’s toys I gave to Mary ( bney’s yaya for 6years), my neighbors as remembrance and Bney’s friends.
March 18, 2006 ( no feng shui reasons whatsoever for the date ) we finally move… 
"Living room area"
"Our bedroom"
Watching movies has been a favorite pastime for all of us. And what better way to remember these are their unforgettable movielines… Here are some of them.
fate exists but it can only take you so far because once you’re there, its up to you to make it happen.
School is still the same, there’s still that one guy you get up and go to school for in the morning. The one with the mysterious confidence that every girl falls for.
Those years of school wouldnt have been the same without him. I wouldnt have been the same with him.
Life is not the amount of breaths you take. Its the moments that take your breath away.
Things dont have to be extraordinary to be beautiful, even the ordinary can be beautiful.
There are millions of people in this world. But in the end, it all comes down to one.
and my favorite…..
YOU ARE WHAT I NEVER KNEW I WANTED.
Feb.1, 2006…. my birthday… i dont have any extravagant plans of celebrating it.. just want to spend it with my family and my daughter … it was a busy day for me… i went to my usual daily chores.. visit Carmelite Monastery.. and bought palabok and cassava at Susie’s.
It was lunch time when i i received a text message from her. I’ve been waiting for this since the moment i opened my eyes. It was a text message telling me that the papers were ready to be picked up.. what papers were these? My copy of the decision of the annulment. But to my dismay, it was a text message telling me that she dont have it yet coz of some reasons…Hopefully, before the day ends, I’ll have my copy.
The day went on so fast… We ate the food, have a little chitchat with my daughter and I checked my emails… My friends either texted me or emailed me to greet me a Happy Birthday. One by one, I thanked them… I got busy that I almost forgot the thing I’ve been waiting for until…
7pm when she texted me again. and finally, she has the copy with her. I told her that i’d picked it up at their shop.
I went there, together with our driver , picked my copy and had a small talk with them.
Since my day started bad, i ididnt read the copy until I went home and made sure that bney was asleep.
There, alone at our living room, I started to read it. i dont know if i want to laugh, or cry at what i was reading…. but definetely I was so FURIOUS!! As expected, I was the wicked witch, the villain of this "tragic lovestory" and he was the oppressed one, the martyr. She paid for the annulment anyway . Damn it! It’s like experiencing the whole thing all over again! and it’s more painful!
He was a battered husband,( am i that strong? he’s 100lbs heavier than me for pete’s sake!) i spent every single centavo we have on our credit card to my vices ( never had a credit card and dont plan to have one… )i didnt respect my in-laws, ( huh? ) i always go out with my friends as if I’m a single woman, ( yah… once a year) abandoned my daughter, ( who abandoned whom?) and had a two-year affair with someone i met through phone, eventually admit it and he forgave me … Fuck!!!
Though i know the truth, still, it was painful not because i still love him, but because i’m damn afraid to lose my daughter. that he’ll use this bullshit to seek custody to my child. I cant lose her. I’l die if this will happen. She’s my life, my world… and She’s all I have…
( Honestly, I really dont know how to end this blog, coz I still dont know what will happen tommorrow. the Only thing I know is that God loves me and that He will never let me down. )
LovE is liKe an anTiquE jAr, thE oLdeR it Gets, tHe m0rE pRcioUs it bEcOmeS… onCe s0meOne bReaks it, thiNgs aRe never tHe sAme AgaiN.
To feAr LOVE is t0 feAr LIFE, anD th0se who feAr LIFE arE alReadY thrEE parts DEAD….
mAybE G0D waNts uS t0 meEt a feW wR0nG pEopLe beF0rE meEtinG thE RigHt ONE, s0 tHat wHen wE fiNaLLy MeEt tHe pErS0n, wE wiLL kn0w h0w t0 bE gRaTefUl.
" No man can ever be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her." BILLY CRYSTAL ( 1947 -) US Actor as Harry Burns in When Harry Met Sally
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache." Attribute to MAE WEST (1892-1980) US actor and comedian
"Love is like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, whats left tastes bitter." BERTOLT BRECH (1898-1956) German plarwright and poet
"Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - its the triumphant twang of a bedspring." S.J. PERELMAN (1904-1979) US humorist
"Love means never having to say you’re sorry." ERICH SEGAL (1937-) US writer
"Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age and old men’s nurses." FRANCIS BACON (1561-1626) English philosopher, statesman and lawyer
"A mistress should be like a little country retreat near the town, not to dwell in constantly, but only for a night and away." WILLIAM WYCHERLY (1640-1716) English playwright
"There were three of us in this marriage so it was a bit crowded." PRINCESS DIANE OF WALES (1961-1997)
"He was my North, my South, my East, and West; my working week and my Sunday rest; my noon, my midnight; my talk, my song. I thought that love would last forever… I was wrong. " W.H. AUDEN (1907-1973) British poet
"Why should I go out to eat hamburger when I can get steak at home?" PAUL NEWMAN (1925- ) US film actor
sometimes, its hard putting into words everything you want to say especially when you’re angry. been typing and deleting everything for the past 15 minutes. so many things to say yet i dont know where to begin with.. let me see..
wondering what really happened huh? ok, i’ll tell you what happened…
well, i was on my usual happy mood when my dad’s so-called friend came to get his "monthly allowance". i wont explain the details why he have this allowance ok.. maybe next time… anyways, so i gave him the money, hoping that he’d leave, so i could read my emails… or so i thought. so he started to ask questions…how’s the business? my parents? my daughter? and then,… he asked me… HOW’S REYMAR? My God! as if he doesnt know! hello? so i told him that i think he is fine, and happy. and i also told him that I AM HAPPY too. and he gave me that LOOK! what look?, you might ask… nakakaloko na nang iinis! that LOOK! hey, dont get me wrong ok? i’m not being ungrateful. basta! Grrrrrr!!!!
Kuya Edsel once told me not to mind these kind of people. But , as much as i wanted to ignore them… i couldnt! one time, a relative told me that the reason why i didnt "fight" for this marriage was because "manlalaki" ako.. ( yup! she used the exact term!) and others ( mostly relatives ) think that i want to attract guy’s attention by wearing tight fitting shirt!!! Hay!!! Oh well! thats the reason why i stopped attending family gatherings…( Ooopps! but before i did that, i, once and for all, told them that things happen for a reason, that we did our best to make this marriage worked but…, that he is happy with his new girl, that they’re getting married this month, that i’m totally ok with it, and finally, i told them to mind their own business.. hehe)
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Kung iisipin natin lahat ng sasabihin ng ibang tao, we would never be happy. Just like what Stephen said on his blog, even if you tried everything to please everyone, may makikita’t makikita pa rin silang mali… So, to hell with them! Do whatever makes you happy! As long na wala ka naaagrabyadong tao.And that my friend, is what I am doing!
If you want me to talk nonstop about someone… that would be about my lil angel…
She was born on
January 7, 1999 , a normal delivery. I could still remember during my labor hours, I asked the nurse on duty if I could bring my celphone inside the labor room so I could call all my friends. Yup, not even a labor pain could stop me from using my cel! Hahaha.
I already know that she would be a girl so me and my friends have been thinking of names, some are outrageous mind you.. I wanted the first letters to be R and M., for obvious reasons of course. From Reysol Marie, Rizza Myrzel to, at last, RENEE MARGARET.
From the day she was born until her 1st birthday, everything was being recorded by me. All her 1sts… 1st food she ate, 1st day she crowled, her 1st word/s.
I nicknamed her Bney. ( ba-ney) Being a text addict, I intentionally removed the letter a. ala lang.. para cute. Hehe…
Like her dad, she loves to act. She joined pageants at a very young age and she always win. 1st Runner-Up Ms Cavetican at the age of 2, and 2nd Runner-Up Little Miss Jollibee at the age of 4. Bney also excels academically. Be
st in Math, in Science .. to name a few. Sometimes I wonder what have I’ve done to deserve her.. ( yabang na nanay eh.. hehehe)
She’s never afraid to express what she feels. Loves to hug and kiss… traits she got from me.
Like every mom, I want to give only the best for my Lil Angel, My World, My Life. I admit, oa na nga minsan eh. But who could blame me? She is indeed a Gift from God….
